Kneeling
by Filishy21
Summary: Alternate Universe story where Dr. Kerry Weaver and Dr. Kim Legaspi are quite happy in their relationship, however as always, darkness always looms and old demons attack again. Will these two ever find the happiness they seek?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only. No commercial gain has or will be obtained. Thank you for reading and your reviews are most welcome.

This was my first EVER attempt at fan fiction and at fiction in the English language. In addition it was written many, many years ago so please, take that into consideration when reviewing. In other words, yes I am fully aware of how bad the writing is...hahahah!! :D

**Kneeling **

**Part I  
**

It was so late. _Damn it_, thought Kerry as she tried to crutch her way into the ER as fast as her legs could take her. The cool breeze hit her face as it opened the redhead's coat, sneaking behind her back and legs. Spring had already arrived but the remains of the winter's bitterness leaked to her bones. Drowned in her own emotions, Kerry did not feel a thing, did not even noticed. All she knew was that she was late and that she had bought it. Finally, she had bought it.

As soon as the ER doors opened in front of her, Abby ran to meet her, helping Kerry with her purse and her coat.

Anxiously, Abby asked, "So, did you get it?"

Kerry kept on walking rapidly and only stopped in front of Curtain One. Turning towards Abby, Kerry could not help herself and sketching the widest smile her mouth could manage said, "Yes!"

Abby sighed heavily, relieved to hear the news. She closed her eyes for an instant and opened them again only to find Kerry's hand on the left side of her face, holding her dearly, and the doctor's voice whispering, "Thank you Abby, thank you. You truly are a great friend. I owe you one".

With that, Kerry left Abby and walked into the exam room. Abby just stood there feeling good and proud of herself. Smiling, she shook her head sideways and headed towards the desk.

"What was that all about?" asked a pale Haleh who was not sure if Weaver's gesture towards Abby had been affection or suppressed anger.

"Oh nothing…" answered Abby absentmindedly. "I think I have a new friend…"

"In Weaver? No go girl, Weaver has no friends."

Abby's expression changed and in disbelief, she turned to face Haleh.

"Why do you say that? That's an awful thing to say. I mean, she's not the easiest person in the world, we all know that Haleh, but…" Abby paused for a second and smiled remembering Kerry's words. "… she's ok."

* * *

Two hours later, Kerry stood on the terrace and gazed at the city below her. The blue sky and the cool breeze bathed her face lovingly and she could not help but to deeply and slowly take air into her lungs and feel happiness, peace. Her world existed just the way she wanted and there was, for a moment, a complete sense of perfection. She was in love with Kim, Kim was in love with her, and she was about to ask Kim to become her wife.

_My wife?_ thought Kerry as her cheeks quickly flushed. _What am I thinking? God… my wife!_

But her train of thoughts did not stop at the sudden realization. Kerry, indeed, wanted Kim to be her wife. That the law, or her religion, or her fellow human beings could not accept the concept was another story. But that was precisely what Kerry wanted from Kim and for Kim, to have her as a wife and together, form a family, a home. She stood there grinning at herself and shaking her head in disbelief. _Is this me? How did I get here? A wife? Kim?._ She thought chuckling to herself; a bit embarrassed, a bit excited.

"Yeah… a wife. My wife," she softly said before going back inside.

Just when she was about to open the door to get back inside the building, Abby appeared out of nowhere and immediately interrupted her focused thinking.

"So? Aren't you going to tell me? Or did you think I was just going to let you get away with it?"

"How did you find me?" asked Kerry.

"I saw you leaving the ER but I got busy and couldn't come up before. When I didn't find you anywhere, I figured you had to be here. And here you are…"

"Well yes… here I am. But I have to go now Abby. Can't it wait until later?"

"Oh come on, Kerry… sorry… Dr. Weaver…"

"Abby," said Kerry softly, "You can call me Kerry. Just don't do it too often in front of the rest. I don't want them to … you know… start thinking it is the same for everybody. Besides, they're so twisted they might start getting the wrong idea."

"Oh no, I understand Kerry. I… just wanted to know…"

"Let's do one thing," said Kerry, "… before I go home, we'll talk, is that all right?"

"Ok… thanks Kerry… I… I just wanted to tell you that…"

"What?"

"I just … I'm sorry… it's nothing."

"What? Tell me." Kerry was surprised that the normally articulate Abby was having so much trouble speaking to her. _Am I so unapproachable that this kid is sweating bullets to tell me something,_ Kerry thought to herself.

"Abby…"

"Oh, I'm sorry Dr. Weaver, it's really nothing…"said Abby shaking her head sideways and looking at the door attempting to escape the awkward moment she herself had created.

"Abby, come," asked Kerry, grabbing Abby's arm and directing her towards a bench near the door. "Sit here with me. I'm sorry Abby, really. I did not mean to brush you aside like that. I'm sorry…" sighed Kerry in frustration. "You have been…" Kerry locked her eyes to Abby's. " You have been an excellent friend to me and Kim and I don't know how will I be able to repay you. Really. I'm really touched and grateful you've made this possible for us and I don't know how could I ever make it up to you. Thank you, really."

"Oh Dr. Weaver..." Abby blushed. "It's really nothing. I just..."

"Abby, if you had not come through when you did, and this for other people might seem something very trivial, I would have just gone into the Mall and would have bought anything that looked pretty enough. With your help I got something, not only beautiful, but worthy of Kim. Something that I hope, might translate what I feel for her and what she means to me. You have made that possible and you have made it easier for me. Gosh! I can't even imagine myself going to the Mall... can you?"

Abby smiled at the image of Kerry asking for rings at the Mall and could not help herself. A moment later she burst into laughter.

"I'm happy I can amuse you, Abby," said Kerry with a smirk.

"Oh no, I'm sorry Kerry... it's just funny… I can't imagine you…"

Kerry waited until Abby caught her breath again and felt relieved to see Abby less anxious with her.

"Another thing Abby," Kerry added while she gently held Abby's forearm with her left hand. "I never want to see you again like I saw you just now. You are our friend, Kim's and mine, and I hope you can feel free to talk to me about anything without having to …"

"Thank you Kerry…"

"I know I'm not the easiest person around but...I don't know... perhaps everything that has happened in my life, the way it is now, has made me realize a lot and I don't ever want to feel again, that I'm this sort of monster that everyone is afraid of."

Abby remained silent but her eyes conveyed feelings of relief, joy and thankfulness. However, she saw Kerry struggle and interrupted her.

"Kerry, I have always liked you. I don't know why, I just did. I have never seen you as a monster… granted, you are not easy to approach or easy to deal with, but I just wanted to show you that I have always been someone you could count on."

Kerry sighed heavily and smiled at Abby's words. She felt thankful and genuinely moved by the young nurse's words. But most of all she was amazed. Amazed at how clumsy and obtuse she had been to everything and everyone around her. Suddenly, she felt her world expanding in giant leaps, like hundred doors had opened at once inside her soul. With a lump in her throat, all she could muster was, "Thank you Abby."

Abby smiled and motioned to get up. Before opening the door for them both, Abby turned around and faced Kerry.

"But you will show it to me, right? Before you leave?"

"Yes Abby, I will," said Kerry softly.

**(End of "Kneeling". Chap. 1)**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only. No commercial gain has or will be obtained. Thank you for reading and your reviews are most welcome.

This was my first EVER attempt at fan fiction and at fiction in the English language. In addition it was written many, many years ago so please, take that into consideration when reviewing. In other words, yes I am fully aware of how bad the writing is...hahahah!! :D

Beware of some adult language.

**Kneeling **

**Part II**

The session had been too intense and Kim's head pounded. In a futile effort to ease the pain, she rubbed her forehead compulsively while her right hand jotted the last notes about the case, in a pad. So much struggle, so many emotions all bottled up and spilled over in 45 minutes. Kim felt her breathing returning back to normal as she willed herself to think about Kerry. Working with Mr. Peters was always very hard on Kim and sometimes, not even Kerry could erase the pain that transpired and was absorbed by the good Dr. Legaspi.

She finished her writing, got the tape out of the recorder, put everything in the second drawer of her desk and stood up. Grabbing her coat and bag she motioned to open the door of her office when the phone rang.

"Legaspi here..."

"Hi baby!" said Kerry.

"Oh, hi Ker..." said Kim letting out a puff of air that made her sound tired and anxious.

"Are you ok, Kim? You sound awful."

"Yeah... you know, I just finished with Mr. Peters and..."

"Hmm..." Kerry interrupted. "I thought you were going to refer him to DeRaad. Didn't we already discuss this?"

Kim was not expecting Kerry to bring that discussion again and because of that, she felt her own mood change rapidly. Still trying to keep her emotions at bay, she carried on.

"Yes, we did discuss it. But he's still MY patient and I'll decide WHEN to refer him IF I decide to do so."

Silence. Kim knew Kerry never appreciated being answered back, especially when it came to matters she felt she had the upper hand on. However, all Kim had said was true. And Kerry knew it. Because she knew Kim was right, she continued the conversation as if nothing had happened.

"Uh... are you about to finish up there? I can go get the car," Kerry asked casually, in the hopes to divert her previous commentary.

"Yeah, do that. I just have to pee and I'll be downstairs in five."

"Where should I wait for you? In the bay?"

"Yeah, that'll be fine."

"Ok. I'll see you then."

"Ker?"

"Hmm...?"

"Sorry..."

"No, I'm sorry Kimmer. You're right. He's your patient, not mine. See you downstairs, ok?"

"Ok."

Hanging up the phone, Kim turned the office's lights off and headed towards the bathroom.

The night was cool and clear. Kim walked towards Kerry's car wearily without taking her eyes away from the floor. She finally reached it, opened the back door, put all her bags inside and got in the front.

The inside of the car was nice and warm, and soft music was playing on the radio. She strapped her belt on and sat there like a child, with both of her hands folded in a knot inside her coat's pockets. Kerry noticed the body language and the tired expression on her girlfriend's face. With a tint of sadness she sighed. Kim had been working for 18 hours now and having Mr. Peters as her last patient of the day, had taken its toll.

Wanting to comfort Kim, Kerry ran her fingers through her lover's hair and finally placed her right hand at the back of Kim's neck, rubbing ever so lightly. After only a few seconds of this tender ministration, Kim leaned forward separating herself from Kerry's touch.

"Is there something wrong?" asked Kerry with a bit of anxiety peering through.

"No, I'm sorry Ker... it's my head... hurts like hell."

"Did you take anything for it? You should have told me. I would ha..."

"No Ker, I don't want anything. You know I hate taking pills. It'll go away."

Kim's words were snappy. Kerry suspected that something else was wrong but it was very unlike Kim not to tell her directly. Not knowing what to do, Kerry decided to focus on the road and remain quiet. With the aid of her peripheral vision, Kerry watched as Kim's eyes closed as a grimace of pain appeared from time to time all over her lover's face.

Anxious and a bit hurt, Kerry just drove them home through the empty streets.

As soon as the front door was opened, Kim headed upstairs to the bedroom. Kerry locked the door and turned upwards just in time to catch a glimpse of Kim's back before hearing the bathroom's door being shut.

She stood there for an instant longer, looking up. _'What's the matter?'_ thought Kerry. _'What happened?'_ Without being able to answer, Kerry felt abandoned. It was very unlike Kim to shut herself from her. No, this was not something Kim did often, this was Kerry's specialty. The only other time Kerry had witnessed this display, was that horrible day when Kim broke up with Kerry after the hearing.

A lump got stuck in Kerry's throat and she started to breath rapidly. She took off her coat, grabbed Kim's and hanged them both, together with their bags_. 'Don't panic, don't panic. Nothing has happened. This morning everything was fine; you made love, had breakfast, drove to the hospital. The usual. Nothing's wrong. You are just imagining things. She's fine. She just has a headache, that's all'. _Kerry told herself as she mentally reviewed the day's events. She really could not find anything unusual. Everything had been fine right up to her own unfortunate remark regarding Mr. Peters. _'I didn't say anything I had not said before. She really should refer him to DeRaad...' _

"Kerry!"

Kerry's trail of thoughts was suddenly interrupted by Kim's yell. Her voice sounded irritated and demanding.

"Kerry!" shouted Kim angrily.

"What hon?"

Kerry decided it was best to keep things from escalating into an argument, so she decided to answer accordingly.

"Did you throw away my.." asked Kim.

'_Fuck' _thought Kerry. She answered calmly.

"Yes hon... I'm sorry, I thought..."

Kerry had not finished her last sentence when she heard angry steps coming from upstairs. She knew Kim was coming to confront her. She swallowed hard and braced herself. An angry Kim was a force not to be reckoned with.

"What the hell did you do that for, Kerry?"

Still trying to appease the violence in Kim's words, Kerry mumbled looking upward, "Honey, they were old and..."

"Yes, but they were mine!"

"But Kimmer..."

""Stomp!" was all Kerry heard as the door slammed. Kim was gone and Kerry stood there alone again.

Confused and really hurt now, Kerry nervously walked towards the stairs and headed to the bedroom. She opened the door carefully and found Kim lying down in bed with her right arm covering her eyes. Kerry decided to approach her carefully but as soon as she sat on the bed, right beside Kim, her lover turned away from her.

"Kim..."

"I don't want to talk about it..."

"But Kim..."

"Leave me alone Kerry. I said I don't want to talk about it."

A desperate tear rolled down Kerry's face and landed on her right hand. It was obvious she was not going to get anything out of Kim tonight_. 'Perhaps in the morning' _she thought. So she got up and turned towards the bathroom.

Before she got inside, Kerry turned and looking at Kim, she muttered softly, "I'm sorry, babe."

Kim did not answer back.

* * *

It was a muffled noise. It lingered. Kerry tossed and turned unable to locate the source of her discomfort. The noise kept creeping up her ear lobes, her eardrums, annoying her, irritating her. She finally opened her eyes, turned her face towards the radio and slammed it off with a bang of her hand.

"God!" Kerry growled angrily.

She sat there trying to focus her senses. She was home but now everything was quiet, very still. She furrowed her brow and tried to locate any sounds coming from the house. There were none.

'_She's gone',_ Kerry thought, suddenly remembering that Kim had an early shift.

Kerry stretched her arms and yawned widely. _'She didn't wake me up' _she said to herself at the time she let out a wounded sigh.

She got up and gently grabbed her crutch. The air was cold and the sky loomed gray and heavy outside her bedroom window. Despite the cold she felt, she kept on walking and decided to explore the house a bit further. Perhaps Kim was in the office, still getting ready to leave.

Her small frame walked quietly peering here and there to no avail, Kim was already gone and what an unusual feeling this solitude brought to Kerry. Still in her plaid flannel boxer shorts, her worn out sweater and her white wool socks, Kerry sat silently on the stairs and sat there for a while.

Despite feeling rested, a heavy sensation came to rest in the pit of her stomach. _'Here I am' _thought Kerry, "buying a ring and thinking of what I want to say to say to her and..." A sudden chill traveled through the length of her spine. _'...perhaps she doesn't even want to be with me anymore... Maybe she's fed up with me... tired, worn out'_. Kerry's right hand rubbed her leg unconsciously as she always did when her thoughts were racing rampantly. _'Or, maybe she's having second thoughts about us, about moving together...'. _

Kerry went on and on examining every memory of their last months together. Once Kim had returned from San Francisco and gotten her job back, everything had been absolutely perfect. Granted, there had been the occasional argument, even a fight once. But nothing too terrible. Nothing like the fear and shock and misery that had plagued them both at the beginning of their relationship.

Kerry had no answers, only fear.

Moving to the kitchen to fix herself some coffee, Kerry found a note from Kim.

"_Had an early shift. Didn't want to wake you. Left some oatmeal for you. Talk to you later. Love, K."_

Kerry sighed and again as the night before, her eyes filled with tears.

"_Love, K."_ Kerry repeated to herself. _"Love, K."_

(End of Chapter 2)


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only. No commercial gain has or will be obtained. Thank you for reading and your reviews are most welcome.

This was my first EVER attempt at fan fiction and at fiction in the English language. In addition it was written many, many years ago so please, take that into consideration when reviewing. In other words, yes I am fully aware of how bad the writing is...hahahah!! :D

Kneeling

Part III

'_Too many traumas for a Monday morning_' thought Kerry as she brushed her hair out of her face. She signed three charts of patients due to be released and headed to the lounge for a cup of coffee and a moment's rest.

Cup in hand, Kerry sat on the couch and closed her eyes shut. She indulged in her thoughts.

'_How on earth did I get here? When did I get here? When did all start? Was it that day, the day I met her? If so, why? Perhaps it was the way she introduced herself, defiantly turning over and pushing aside my invisible walls. No, that wasn't it. Or maybe it was the way her blue eyes dawned on me from above, like a vision of the paradise painters and poets have well spoken throughout the ages of mankind. No, that wasn't either. Was it her voice that came and touched ever so lightly on my shoulder, like it was my own? That was it. Her voice. Her voice that worked like a balm all over my wounds of so many years before. I trusted her voice, I rejoiced in her voice. It sounded like cellos and French horns in a Mozart concerto. But when did that voice become my own? When did I let my feet stumble, trip? When did I let myself slip into the abyss of her soul? When did I fall? Does it matter? Does it make any difference that I fell a year ago, two years ago, an hour ago? All I know is that I have been falling ever since, no longer able to pull myself up and be whatever is that I was before…'_

Her mental roaming, continued as she reclined even more on the couch.

'_I want to do this right. Where should I do it? Oh my God… I'm mortified… How am I going to do this? I can't believe that I want to do this. This is wrong, women don't do this much less to another woman… No, it's not wrong, it's beautiful, actually. Oh God. This is unreal, even ridiculous. How am I going to ask her to marry me? Me? Me? Marry... me? I have got to be insane… What is that men do? They kneel? Oh Lord above… kneel? I can't kneel. No way. But they do kneel... or at least they're supposed to kneel and ask, according to tradition... I guess… Why do they kneel? Hmm… this is so complicated… I guess men kneel because… because… Oh man! I don't know. Ok, well, kneeling. Hmm… well, I'll kneel then. My crutch… What am I going to do with this damn crutch? Dashing knights don't have crutches… well, perhaps if they're wounded after a battle they might… Ok Kerry get a grip, get a grip. You'll kneel and forget about the damned crutch, she doesn't care about it, why should you? Anyway, back to kneeling. I'll kneel, take her hands in mine and say, 'Kim' … Oh man… this is absurd… and I can't think about this anymore. I don't know how's it going to be or where, I just know that I'll kneel, ask her to marry me and hold my breath until she says yes.'_

She opened her eyes and got up from the couch. She looked at her watch and realized that 10 minutes had gone by in futile mental exercises. She was flushed and sweaty. Shaking her head, she gasped for air and sighed.

Putting her cup away, she whispered to herself, "Poor guys, they really do have to go through a lot… whew!"

Opening the door of the lounge, she stepped again into her noisy ER. She said to herself with a grin upon her lips, "Oh my God…hmph… I have to kneel…kneel!"

Kerry let out a quiet chuckle just as Carter was passing by her.

"Hey! What so funny Dr. Weaver?"

"Hey John, oh, just nothing really..."

Kerry stopped and took a long, caring look at the young resident's face. She was suddenly reminded of how close she had come to losing him and she sighed. She had always liked him, unfortunately, she had not always been able to let him know. Gently grabbing his forearm, she said, "John, can I ask you a question?"

The young doctor looked at his boss seriously and nodded.

"Why do men kneel when they propose to a woman?"

John's eyes grew wide with surprise.

"Why do we kneel...? Geez...uh...I don't know Dr. Weaver...tradition, I guess?" asked John who could not hide the amazement he felt at the question.

"Tradition...hmmm... Yeah well, I guess..."

Turning on her heels she just waved at him and said, "Thanks John".

And the redheaded doctor walked away.

The young resident just stood there still bewildered by the question. Not being able to find a reasonable explanation for Kerry's attitude, he just shrugged and kept on walking.

Kerry approached the elevator just as Kim stepped out. The older woman's heart pounded in her chest at the sight of her lover.

"Hi baby!" said Kim. "I came looking for you. I have some time to kill, do you want to go to the terrace?"

Kerry's eyes widened in delight at Kim's words. With a shy smile she answered, "Sure."

Once up in the terrace, they sat down in the only bench available and took in the sights of sounds of the city beneath them. For about a minute they sat in silence until Kerry gathered a bit of courage and started talking.

"How are you this morning?"

Kim sighed and took Kerry's right hand in hers.

"I'm ok. Listen, I wanted to apologize for last night. I was... I was a bit out of line and..."

Squeezing Kim's hand, Kerry cut her off.

"That's ok, hon. You're not angry at me anymore, are you?"

"Oh no baby, I wasn't really angry, I was just..."

"No, Kim, you were. Look, I'm sorry I threw away your slippers I just thought that..."

Kim grabbed her lover's arm and pulled Kerry closer to her. Nodding, she said, "No, I'm sorry. It's ok. I think it was just the headache, it's ok, really. I mean, I liked the slippers but, they were really ready to bite the dust, if you know what I mean. It's ok. I'm sorry, I..."

Kerry disengaged her right hand from Kim's and wrapped her whole arm around her lover's shoulders. Pulling Kim closer to her, she stamped a solid kiss over Kim's left temple.

Softly she said, "I'm sorry hon, I'll never do it again. They were your slippers and I had no right to throw them out... At times I just don't see things the ways you see them, I'm sorry."

"What do you mean, you don't see things the way I see them?"

"Oh, uh... I just don't get as attached to certain things the way you do."

Kim separated herself from Kerry and looked at her in awe.

"It's true, isn't it? Now that you mention it… You really don't get attached to your things like I do, don't you? I mean, for you a shirt is just another shirt..."said Kim.

"Well, yes and no. There are certain personal belongings I would have a hard time throwing away, like my books, for example."

"No," interrupted Kim. "I mean clothes and stuff. Things like sweaters or socks..."

"Oh, that. No, not really, not like you anyway. Let's see... hmm..."

Kerry's eyes shut for an instant and her head shook vigorously.

"No, not really."

Kim's eyes lit up and giving Kerry a smirk, she leaned her head on Kerry's.

"However, Dr. Weaver... now that I think about it, there's one piece of clothing you would kill for if anything happened to it. Literally."

"There is? I would?"

"Uhumm..." said Kim grinning to herself.

"So? Are you going to tell me?" asked Kerry rubbing Kim's shoulder with her hand and kissing the younger woman's head.

"You really want to know? I don't know..."

"Kim..."

"Your flannel boxer shorts, the blue ones..."

Kerry smiled at herself and gave Kim a gentle squeeze.

"Oh, right... those. Yeah, you're right, I'd kill for those," said Kerry chuckling lightly.

Kim laughed and taking Kerry's face in her hands, she leaned over and kissed her. It was a short, tender kiss, their lips barely touching. Kerry closed her eyes and pressed for a closer contact. Kim responded and kissed her over deeply. After a moment, Kerry separated herself from Kim, reluctantly.

"I have to go back sweetie," said Kerry, still trying to catch her breath, stolen by the unexpected kiss.

"Me too. I don't want to, though..."

Kerry held Kim close to her and her hands tenderly, rubbed the young woman's back. Sighing deeply, Kerry muttered, "I don't either baby, but I do have to go back. Tell you what. I'll visit later and we'll get a cup of coffee at Magoo's, how does that sound?"

Kim closed her eyes and buried her face in Kerry's shoulder. She rubbed her forehead on the white, crisp lab coat, inhaling her lover's scent.

"No, I mean yes, ok. I just like this much better."

"Me too but we have no other choice, ok? I'm just glad you're not angry at me anymore. I can't bear that."

Kim separated from Kerry and looked at her lover surprised and deeply touched at Kerry's words. She brushed Kerry's bangs away from her eyes and whispered, "You really don't like it, do you? I mean, when I get angry..."

Kerry lowered her eyes and a sudden rush of blood inundated her cheeks. Slowly shaking her head, she answered, "No, it scares me. It reminds me of..." her words choked her throat and Kerry was unable to go on.

Kim's heart skipped a beat when she realized the power she had over the formidable Dr. Weaver. While she knew Kerry loved her, she had not realized up to that moment, the power she had over her, over her feelings, her actions, her will. The realization sent chills down her spine and she felt her mouth go dry. At that moment she learned that her love for Kerry not only meant a feeling that tied her to her; it also meant a sense of responsibility not like anything she had felt before.

Sighing she embraced the smaller woman in front of her and whispering in Kerry's ear, she managed to say, "Forget about that baby, please, forget about it. I'm sorry I scared you last night, I'm sorry, really. I don't want you to ever be scared again, ok? Not ever again. I love you, I..." tears choked Kim's words. All she was able to do was to squeeze Kerry as tight she could and sat there.

After a couple of minutes, Kim separated them and said, "I guess you have to go... Be good, ok?"

Kerry nodded and smiled shyly. Standing up, she extended her hand towards Kim, who was till sitting on the bench.

"Are you coming?"

Kim looked up and shook her head.

"No, I still have a little while before I go on. I think I'll stay here and breathe."

Kerry smiled and nodded. "Ok, hon. You do that." She leaned over and kissed the blond woman's head. "I'll see you later, sweetie. Be good"

"Okay..." answered Kim.

And as she listened to her lover's steps disappear behind her, Kim closed her eyes and folded her arms in front of her chest. She breathed deeply and desperately tried to find an even pace. Unfortunately, she knew she would not be able to find the peace she was looking for. Thoughts of incoming thunder made her stare at the city below her. In anticipation, she sighed.

(End of Chapter 3)


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only. No commercial gain has or will be obtained. Thank you for reading and your reviews are most welcome.

This was my first EVER attempt at fan fiction and at fiction in the English language. In addition it was written many, many years ago so please, take that into consideration when reviewing. In other words, yes I am fully aware of how bad the writing is...hahahah!! :D

* * *

**Kneeling**

**Part IV**

Images passed by in her head despite being absorbed with the task at hand. The guy had showed looking like a bloody mess and being understaffed for the shift, the ER Chief had no other choice but to intervene directly.

As her hands moved slowly as they applied the required sutures, her memory dwelled in the recently watched film. Kerry chuckled and blushed as she remembered a particular scene that made her feel uneasy and edgy, while Kim squirmed at her chair. Kim had felt the need too. She sighed and grinned.

"Is everything ok, doctor?" asked the wounded young man.

"Yeah, don't worry. Just don't move," answered Kerry softly.

They had gone to the movies the night before. Both of them loved going to the movie theater but rarely made it on time to catch the shows. However, both of them enjoyed the rare opportunities intensely.

For Kim it was almost like going back to childhood or adolescence as she indulged contently in popcorn, soda, nachos, or hotdogs, besides the required candy dosage. She also enjoyed the fact that she could steal kisses or daring caresses from her lover in a public place, taking advantage of the darkness, a fact that Weaver feared a bit and could not always handle well.

For the older woman, the movies represented too, the opportunity to show off Kim and enjoyed her closeness and her warmth in a secluded, but public setting. She liked immersing herself in the story but at the same time, she enjoyed feeling Kim's leg over hers or the gentle touch of her lover's hand brushing her thigh. It was like a secret code they shared that no one else had knowledge of. She liked that.

After the movie was over, they left for the parking lot in a hurry. None of them had said anything, but both knew that the need for each other was growing exponentially as they approached the car.

As soon as they got in the car, Kim threw herself over Kerry and straddled her in her seat. Their hands grabbed desperately at each other as their mouths sealed in a heated kiss that took their breath away.

"Take me home, Ker…" pleaded Kim, whispering at her lover's ear.

When they finally made it home, they immediately headed towards the bedroom.

After Kerry silently remembered what had taken place the night before, she announced to her patient, "Ok, it's done. The nurse will come in to apply a bandage to protect the wound. She'll give you the rest of the information you need."

Standing up, she walked towards the door, stopping only to peel off her gloves and the protective gown throwing them both in the garbage bin.

She walked out the exam room and headed towards the front desk.

As she approached the desk, Randi turned to face her, immediately addressing her, "Dr. Weaver, where have you been? I have been looking for you…"

"But why? Randi, I was just in Exam one..."

"Dr. L. has been calling you. She asked me to tell you she's at Magoo's waiting for you."

"And when was this?"

"The last time she called was five minutes ago."

Putting some charts down, she checked her pocket for her pager and started walking off towards the door. She turned and smiled at Randi.

"Thank you Randi."

Randi just winked at her and said, "Sure, no problem. Be good, though".

Kerry turned immediately back at the young clerk and flushed. Randi just grinned back and answered the phone.

"ER…"

* * *

Walking towards Magoo's Kerry felt relaxed and content. Again, the feeling they both had shared in the last months, bathed the older woman with joy and peace.

As soon as she walked inside, she glanced over to find the love of her life immersed in opened books, stack of journals, tons of papers and handwritten notes. She had been there for a while, it seemed, a fact that caught Kerry's attention. As soon as she was close enough she leaned over Kim, placed her hands over her lover's shoulders and kissed her head.

"Hi baby..." said Kerry quietly.

Kim looked up and a soft smile adorned her face. She looked rested although a bit worried. Kerry moved and took a seat across Kim, not before she gave a thorough look at everything Kim had in front of her.

"What's all this?" asked Kerry as she pointed to all the papers and folders Kim had displayed in front of her.

"Uh, this… well… I have to go through my certification again…"

"What?" asked Kerry raising her voice and hands in shock.

"Shh… don't yell…" said Kim while she grabbed Kerry's forearms and motioned for to keep it down.

"But? Why? I mean… this is…"

"Easy Kerry, easy… let me explain…"

"Please do… I don't understand… your certification?"

"Wait, here, take a sip of water," said Kim while trying to buy some time for herself.

Kerry did as she was told, like the obedient little girl she once was. Kim waited until the tiny redhead had calmed down a bit and started talking in her best "therapeutic" tone.

"Yes, I have to go through the certification all over again …"

"But that's preposterous! Why?" asked a puzzled Kerry.

"I know but, it's policy Ker… take it easy…"

"But how the hell do you want me to take it easy, Kim? I mean this is absolutely absurd…you have been practicing for how many years now? Policy? Whose policy?"

"Ker, it's APA's policy for those that have this kind of practice," said Kim somewhat frustrated at the whole situation.

"But, how? I mean, when were you notified of this? How come you're telling me this now?"

"I didn't want you to get upset," said Kim, quietly. "Romano requested it.

Kerry's eyes opened wide and turned a fiercely dark shade of green. Her face grew pale and as soon as she heard the last words, her jaw locked and her mouth twisted in sad, melancholic twitch.

"Oh, I see," she said. "Because of what happened…"

Kerry's last words were not a question, they were a statement. She sighed, filling her lungs with air and could not look up to Kim. Two huge tears swelled in her eyes as she nervously started to play with the ketchup bottle.

Kim had tried to avoid this moment for as long as she could. She had been notified by DeRaad two weeks ago and the certification exam was about to take place this coming Saturday. She really had no choice left but to let Kerry know and hit the books for what she hoped would be, the last time.

Taking Kerry's hand in hers, she softly said, "I'm sorry baby, I had to tell you but, hey, don't worry, it's nothing…" said Kim quietly, trying to calm her lover.

As soon as Kerry felt Kim's slender hand in hers, she withdrew her own and placed it on her lap. She felt undeserving of such attention from Kim who was still, after so long, suffering the consequences of her stupid act of cowardice.

Kim still pressed on.

"Oh no, please… don't… don't feel guilty, please…"

Kerry could not talk and was equally unable to stop the tears rolling down her face. She felt like a real curse on Kim's life. Again, like so many times in the past, she felt her guts being torn by the weight of the guilt brought upon her irrational panic.

She closed her eyes and prayed to God that her pager would beep so she could run, run away from that booth as fast as her legs could take her. Since the beeper did not go off, she mumbled, "I… I have to get back…"

And true to her words and her formidable will, Kerry Weaver stood up, grabbed her crutch and left. Not once did she stop to look at Kim's eyes. She found herself unable of such feat.

Kim could not do anything but watch her go in silence. Tears formed in her eyes as she felt Kerry's wound reopen as it had been her own flesh. Lowering her head to her chest, Kim let out a sob and remained still for a long time crying, just crying.

(End of Part IV)


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only. No commercial gain has or will be obtained. Thank you for reading and your reviews are most welcome.

This was my first EVER attempt at fan fiction and at fiction in the English language. In addition it was written many, many years ago so please, take that into consideration when reviewing. In other words, yes I am fully aware of how bad the writing is...hahahah!! :D

Beware of some adult language.

* * *

Kneeling

Part V

Kim had not noticed Kerry come home the night before, nor she had felt her leave for the recently scheduled early shift. Despite having asked her to wake her up in the hopes they could talk a bit before going to sleep, Kerry had come and gone almost without a trace.

Kim jumped out of their bed and ran downstairs hoping that Kerry had left a note or something for her. There was nothing to be found. At this sad realization, Kim sat at the stool and stare motionless at the day outside the kitchen window. It seemed like a nice spring day and she sighed at the thought of not being able to spend it outside with Kerry.

At the hospital, Kerry had her plate full and for a change, she was deeply grateful. She had no time to chat, no coffee breaks, no escapades to the terrace. She welcomed the fact that so many traumas were coming in and felt safe for a while. No guilt, no memories, no Kim. Nothing. Just the concentration required to tend to others, to those less fortunate than herself. Or so she thought.

"Dr. Weaver, you have a call from Dr. Legaspi on line one," said Abby while Kerry discarded her gloves in the trash bin.

At Abby's words, Kerry just shook her head and without looking upward, she left the room.

"I'm sorry Dr. Legaspi, Dr. Weaver is busy with a patient. Would you like me to take a message?"

Kerry walked wearily to the front desk. Luka caught a glimpse of her friend and approached her. Something had happened.

"Kerry," asked Luka, "Are you alright?

Kerry stopped and looked upwards locking her lost gaze into Luka's eyes. She saw his worrisome expression and felt a bolt of pain in her stomach brought about by her shame and guilt. Despite of her desperate need to let herself be held by this gentle giant who had comforted her so many times in the past, she just nodded and kept on walking.

Luka just stood there looking at Kerry in silence. _'Oh God, here we go again'_, he thought.

At 3:00 pm and after a dozen calls to the ER, Kim decided that it had been enough. It was simply not possible that Kerry had not had one minute left to return her calls.

Her stride was powerful, fueled by her emotions. She was truly concerned about Kerry but she was also hurt by her. But most of all she was in a real state of panic as she sensed Kerry shutting down again from her.

As soon as she stepped into the ER, she asked every single person she encountered if they knew of Kerry's whereabouts. None of them were able to give her a good response. She finally spotted Abby at the desk and yelled out for her.

"Abby!"

Abby turned and as soon as she saw Kim approached her thought to herself, _'Shit'_.

"Hi Kim, how you doing?" asked Abby casually.

"Where's Kerry?"

Abby felt a wave of guilt as soon as she saw the blond woman's face of desperation. Her hands were shaking lightly and her breath was short and filled with the outmost anxiety. She thought about lying for a minute but she suddenly remembered Kerry's words to her up, in the terrace _'…You are our friend, Kim's and mine…'_ and simply, could not bring herself to do it.

"Kim uh, well, she left about three hours ago. I'm sorry."

"She left? Where? I mean… I called home…"

"She's not there?"

"No! That's why I came down here, I mean…she left? But why? Did anything happen?"

"No, no. I mean besides the fact that it was a horrible day with hundred of traumas, no, nothing happened… not that I know of…"

"Shit!" Kim swore softly as tears began to flow freely down her cheeks. "Shit!"

"Dr. Legaspi," asked Abby softly. "Did something happen between you two?"

Kim's hands were visibly shaking now while she paced nervously in front of the desk. She kept staring down at the floor tiles mumbling words uncontrollably. Abby, who was still waiting for an answer from the obviously frantic woman, just grabbed Kim's arm and turned her to face her.

"Kim, please talk to me. What happened?"

Upon hearing Abby's words, Kim snapped into reality again and her eyes locked into Abby's. The young nurse's brown eyes were warm and compassionate and Kim held on to them as she started to speak.

"Uh… it's hard to explain, we have had a couple of rough days…"

"Ok, go on Kim…"

Abby motioned for both of them to go to Chairs and sat them both at the last row.

"Uh… I think this is all my fault… I… I," said Kim sadly.

Abby just rubbed Kim's back slowly in the hopes that the light touch would give Kim the confidence to talk.

"I knew I had not other choice but to tell her about the certification today…"

"What certification Kim?"

Luka watched the pair from the desk. He knew Abby had gotten through to Kim and felt relieved at the fact that at least Kim was talking. He made himself busy with some charts while making an effort to visually check the situation every minute, just in case things got complicated.

"I was told by Romano that I need to get my APA certification once again. It is supposed to be this coming Saturday…"

"But Kim, that's absurd… as far as I know, there's no need for a new certification…"

"But Romano… he kept on…" Kim's eyes grew heavy and tearful. "...and I was so…" Kim started sobbing.

Abby was outraged at what she was hearing for she was almost sure no new certification was really necessary. Granted, she was not that familiar with APA's policies but charges had been dropped against Kim and there had not been a real discharge so, she just simply could not accept what Kim was saying. Although her mind started racing at these thoughts, she controlled herself for Kim's sake. She hugged Kim and held her in her arms for a while, hoping the beautiful psychiatrist would calmed herself down.

Luka noticed this sudden change of events and approached them. Leaning to Abby, he softly spoke to the nurse's ear, "Is everything al lright?"

Abby shook her head and kept the tight embrace of Kim's trembling body. They both waited a bit. When Kim's sobs began to die out, Luka held Kim close and took her with him.

"Come Kim, let's get some water."

Abby just sat there trying to figure out what to do next. She was shaken by this piece of news and suddenly, she understood Kerry's behavior of the day. Banging her closed fist to her knee, she stood up and yelled to Carter who was chatting with calmly with Susan.

"Carter!"

John stopped his conversation and turned to face Abby who was approaching him.

"John, I need a favor from you."

"Sure, what's up?"

"I need to borrow your car."

"My car? Uh… sure… but… is everything ok?"

Abby was not even looking at Carter's face as her eyes kept traveling from the lounge to the elevators' doors down the hall, to the front desk.

"Abby…"

Abby's mind was way too focused on what she needed to do that she could not hear Carter's words.

"Abby!" yelled Carter, grabbing his friend.

"I'm sorry, I can't talk right now. There's something I have to do."

"Is everything ok? Are you ok?" pressed Carter.

"Yes, John. I'm fine. I'll explain later, ok? Where's Luka? Have you seen him?"

Their eyes glanced around and scanned the ER searching for Luka. Abby spotted him and Kim entering the lounge. Abby, once more turned to Carter.

"So, do you have the keys with you?"

"Sure, here," said Carter handing Abby the car keys.

"Thank you. I owe you one," Abby kissed him on the cheek.

"You're…" Carter paused at the unexpected kiss. "...welcome."

Abby grabbed her coat from behind the desk and lightly jogged towards the lounge. As she was about to open the door, Luka opened it for her.

"Oh, I was about to go get you," said Abby. "How's she doing?"

"She's upset but a bit better now. I gonna get her a couple of Tylenols."

Abby grabbed her lover by the arm and said, "I have got to go and get Dr. Weaver. Can you do me a favor?"

Luka looked at Abby, puzzled.

"Go look for Dr. Weaver? Why?"

When Abby was about to answer, Kim came out.

"Abby I have to go with you…"

It was all Kim managed to say before losing conscience. Luka was able to catch her before hitting the floor.

"Carter! Get a gurney! It's Kim!"

Carter ran as fast as he could and pushed the nearest gurney he could find. Holding Kim's legs, he helped Luka place Kim on the gurney and they wheeled her to Trauma One.

"What happened?" asked Carter as Luka opened Kim's shirt and started checking her vitals.

"I don't know, she just fainted. Pulse 60, BP 70 over 40… God!"

Abby watched the scene torn between her duties as a nurse and her need to do the right thing for her friends. She just called out, "Haleh! Please come quick!"

Abby gently pushed the older nurse to Trauma One and headed towards the elevator. She was about to do something she knew it was totally out of line but she had little choice at the time.

The elevator stopped at the 7th floor and Abby started looking for Dr. Anspaugh's office. She finally found it and walked inside. Dr. Anspaugh's assistant met her.

"Hi, may I help you with something?"

Finding herself in the middle of the ample and warm office, snapped Abby back to reality and she realized the risks involved in the decision she had made. Panicking, Abby started to turn around in the hopes of catching the elevator, when Dr. Anspaugh appeared and greeted her warmly.

"Ms. Lockhart! What brings you here?"

'_Shit'_, Abby thought. She turned around feeling trapped.

"Hi, Dr. Anspaugh, I, I…"

"Is there anything wrong Abby?" asked the veteran doctor after detecting Abby's apprehension.

"Uh… I'm sorry… I… it's nothing really."

"No, please Abby, come, come into my office."

The older man placed one arm around Abby's shoulders and kindly pushed her inside his office.

"Come, take a seat. You look like you've seen a ghost. What happened?"

Abby knew at that moment that there was no way she could play around the bushes. She was there and there was nothing else to do but to speak to Anspaugh and pray that her decision would not hurt anyone, including herself.

"Uh…" she cleared her throat. "I need to ask you a question, Dr. Anspaugh."

"Sure Abby, go ahead. It must be pretty important though, you never come up here…"

"Uh… yeah… well… "

Abby's hands were shaking slightly so she folded them neatly on her lap to avoid Anspaugh's glance. She started to search in her mind for the best way to approach the subject at hand without making it sound like a cheap and vulgar piece of juicy gossip.

"Dr. Anspaugh, I need to ask you a question," said Abby with the conviction she had managed to muster just as she started to talk. "And please, do not misinterpret my words and my presence here…"

"Sure Abby, what is it?"

"Uh… Is there any APA's or hospital policy that would require any of our Psych attendings to go through their certification process again?"

"Pardon? I'm sorry Abby, I'm afraid I'm not following you."

"Is there any policy that would require someone like Dr. De Raad or Dr. Legaspi to take their certification again? I just need an answer Dr. Anspaugh… then I'll leave."

"Why would you want to know this Abby? Are you considering going into Psych, I mean, for your degree?"

Abby smiled. Anspaugh was genuinely trying to make sense of the young nurse's presence in his office and her line of questioning.

"Oh no, Dr. Anspaugh, it's not that."

"So? What is it then?"

"Dr. Anspaugh… ok, here it is. I… You know I'm friends with both Dr. Legaspi and Dr. Weaver, right? "

Anspaugh just nodded and patted Abby's back encouraging to continue.

"Well, I was downstairs and was talking to Dr. Legaspi and she just told me that she had to take her certification exam again. This seems to have created a problem among them two."

"Wait a minute, just hold on a second Abby. You said that Kim told you that she had to take her exam again?"

Abby just nodded.

"But why? I mean, she's been a psychiatrist for longer than 5 years, I mean, she's way too ahead to do that… that's ridiculous!"

Abby's eyes opened wide as her satisfaction grew inside of her. She knew she had been right. She motioned to get up but Anspaugh stopped her before she was even able to leave her chair.

"Wait Abby, just sit for a moment more… Why would Kim think such a thing? Furthermore, why are you and not Kim, talking to me now?"

Abby knew that the question was coming. However, she was certain that it would be better if Anspaugh learned this from her, than from anybody else. Especially Romano.

"Dr. Anspaugh..." she paused to clear her throat. "Dr. Legaspi is in the ER, she fainted like five minutes ago. That's when I decided to come and talk to you. So please, Dr. Anspaugh, please confirm with her this information. She told me that she was asked to take her exams and get certified again due to what happened three months ago… you know, the sexual harassment charges…"

"What? That's absurd Abby, she was not even formally charged… How did she find out this?"

Abby prayed that Anspaugh would understand. She fidgeted around in her chair and sighed.

"She told me that Dr. Romano had said that it was necessary and that it went along APA's and County's policies and regulations."

"I see Abby, I see. Hmm… well… huh… You said Kim fainted?"

"Yes, I left when Luka and Carter where treating her."

"Where's Kerry? She's not in?"

"No. She left like three hours ago."

Anspaugh stood up from his chair and picked up the phone.

"Randi? Anspaugh. I need to talk to Dr. Kovac."

The old doctor waited as he tapped his pen to a notebook nearby.

"Luka, Anspaugh here. What happened to Kim?"

Abby got up from her chair and tried to walk to the door when Anspaugh's words stopped her. Again.

"Abby, wait please..." And nodding to the phone he said, "Yes… uh huh… ok… she's stable now? Ok… no, call cardio… and keep her like that. I'll be down in no time. Thanks!"

He hung up the phone. Abby could not wait any longer.

"How is she?"

"She's stable but her BP and pulse dropped to dangerous levels for a moment there. How did all this happen Abby?"

"We were just talking about the certification and she told me she had told Kerry about it. It seems they had had an argument or something. It got worse when she realized that Dr. Weaver had left the hospital…"

"I see… I see… she was fine before, right?"

"She got very agitated when I told her Dr. Weaver was gone, then she cried for a while and five minutes after, she fainted. She seemed fine, I mean worried and stressed but physically fine when she got to the ER."

"Ok, Abby, thanks. That's what I needed to know."

Abby did get a chance to reach the door this time. Saying goodbye she turned around at Dr. Anspaugh's last words.

"You did good Abby, thank you. And don't worry, I'll take care of this."

Abby smiled and left.

The elevators' doors opened and Abby stepped out while her eyes actively searched for Luka all over. She finally found him in Trauma Two.

"How's Kim?"

Luka looked anxiously at Abby.

"Where did you go, one minute you were there and then..?"

"I had to do something," Abby said looking away from Luka and staring at Kim who was still unconscious. "How is she?"

"She's sedated because she convulsed. We still have to run some tests and Shimeck from Cardio, is coming down to check on her. I don't know, her vitals were…"

"What do you think it is Luka?"

"I'm not sure Abby. It might be some neurological response, might be her heart… It seems like vasovagal syncope but… uh… I don't know, we have to wait for the tests."

"Vasovagal? Really? But she's stable now though, right?"

"Yeah, she is."

Abby put on her coat on and kissed Luka on the cheek. Softly, she said, "Luka, I have to go and do something. I'll explain when I get back, ok?"

"But where are you going?" Luka asked once more.

"I'll explain later. Trust me please, this is something I have to do alone. We'll talk when I get back, ok?"

As soon as she said that, Abby was gone. Frantically she walked to the desk and lift the phone.

"Mike? Hi, it's Abby. Have you seen Dr. Weaver?"

She nodded to the phone.

"No, don't do anything. I'll explain. I'm coming over, just wait for me. I'll be there in 20 minutes. Thanks!"

Shutting down the phone, Abby took her purse with one hand while the other checked her pocket for Carter's car key. She left without looking up and soon, she was out the door.

(End of Part V)


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only. No commercial gain has or will be obtained. Thank you for reading and your reviews are most welcome.

This was my first EVER attempt at fan fiction and at fiction in the English language. In addition it was written many, many years ago so please, take that into consideration when reviewing. In other words, yes I am fully aware of how bad the writing is...hahahah!! :D

Beware of adult language.

* * *

Kneeling

Part VI

It was already 5 o'clock when Abby was able to park the car around the quiet neighborhood. Although it was a sunny spring afternoon, the air was getting cold and a slight breeze started to blow from the lake. Abby stepped out of the car and inhaled deeply. The willows swung with the breeze and their delicate branches created an eerie sound that gave Abby the chills.

She headed towards the park when she finally caught sight of Dr. Weaver. She was not sure she was really going to be able to find her there, it had been a hunch; luckily for her, it had worked this time.

Kerry was sitting on a bench with her head resting in the palm of her hands and her eyes shut. She was rocking herself a bit, almost like a frightened child or at least, that's what Abby thought. Slowly, Abby walked among the vast graveyard making a conscious effort not to step on any tombs or making any noise that would disturb Kerry.

She finally got to the bench and quietly, sat down. Abby stared at the tombstones before her: _'Patrick Weaver. Elise Weaver'_. Realizing that Kerry had not noticed her, she placed her left arm softly around the older woman's shoulders.

At the unexpected touch, Kerry turned around to face Abby.

"What..? Abby?"

Abby's heart dropped when she got a view of her friend's weary eyes and red face. It was clear that Kerry had been crying for a while and the deep sadness painted all over Kerry's face, touched Abby's soul in an unexpected way.

Placing her right hand over Kerry's cheek, she said softly, almost whispering, "Yeah, it's me, Kerry."

"What are you doing here Abby, I mean, how did you know?"

Abby breathed deeply and proceeded to answer.

"Kim came down to the ER looking for you..."

Kerry's eyes lighted up a bit at the sound of her lover's name but the sudden joy was immediately replaced by worry after seeing Abby's face and hearing her words.

"What happened, is she alright?"

"She's ok now, she fainted…"

"Fainted? Where?"

"In the ER... Look Kerry..."

Kerry started to get up but Abby grabbed her and forcefully, managed to sit her down again.

"Kerry, just stop it. Listen to me for a moment."

Kerry had no other choice but to seat again.

"What?" asked Kerry.

"When are you going to stop this Kerry? I mean, when is it all going to end?"

"What do you mean Abby?" asked Kerry with a puzzled look on her face.

"I mean this, Kerry. When are you going to stop punishing herself?"

Kerry's shoulders dropped at the implications of Abby's words. She sat and quietly waited for Abby to continue.

"What will it take, uh, Kerry? What?"

Kerry did not answer.

"Look at me, Kerry."

Kerry turned slowly to face Abby.

"Kim loves you, when are you going to understand that? You are her life, did you hear me Kerry? Her life. And she is yours, Kerry."

"But..." muttered Kerry as tears started forming in her eyes.

"But what Kerry?"

"I just keep screwing up Abby, I mean, before it was the hearing, then the charges, then Romano almost firing her, then..."

"Oh Kerry, that happened a long time ago..."

"Yeah, but... she's still paying the consequences of my..."

"Of your what, Kerry? Your fear? Your mistake? Kerry, everyone makes mistakes..."

"Yeah but..." Tears started to roll down Kerry's face.

"Listen Kerry. That's done. What you did cannot be erased but can be forgotten and forgiven. Kim forgot about it and forgave you. We all do things we regret later... I mean... I'm a drunk, do you think that's something I'm proud of? I'm not Kerry, but I can't go on forever like that. You can't..."

"But now she has to take that, her... certification again... because of me... she has to humiliate herself again because of me..." Uncontrollable sobs overtook the older woman as she hid her face with her hands.

"Kerry, that's not true... she does not have to do that... I spoke with Anspaugh..."

"You what?" asked Kerry still sobbing.

"After Kim fainted I went to talk to him. It wasn't true. There is no policy and Romano was just getting back at her... at you..."

"What did you just say?"

"You heard me Kerry, there's no need for a certification, he just..."

"That fucking bastard!" Kerry muttered enraged. "Let's go!"

"No Kerry, not just yet."

Abby searched her coat pocket and got a little leather box. She showed it to Kerry.

"Why did you return the ring, Kerry? I just came from Mike's. I got it back from him."

"Uh...uh... I just thought that..." Kerry found herself at a loss for words.

"What?" pressed Abby with obvious anger in her voice.

"I just thought that she wouldn't... that it wouldn't be..."

Abby grabbed Kerry by her arms and forcefully turned the redhead to herself.

"Wouldn't what? She wouldn't want it?"

Kerry nodded slowly.

"You have such little faith in yourself Kerry? You actually think that a stupid certification would erase Kim's love for you...? Or worse, your love for her? God Kerry! How could you think so little of yourself? Kim loves you, did you hear me? She loves you. She's not going to stop loving you because of that... can't you understand it? Why is it so difficult for you to accept that others might love you and care for you? I... I..."

Abby disengaged herself from Kerry and shook her head. Slowly, she continued.

"I wish Kerry you would be able to see yourself through the eyes of those that care for you like...Kim, Luka, Carter... and me..."

Kerry started to quietly cry once again.

"You make it so hard for us to show you how proud we feel that you have allowed us, either by will or circumstance, to be your friends, to be close to you. We desperately want to let you know that and yet, you keep brushing us aside, like we didn't matter." Abby's voice broke as her eyes filled with tears. Long bottled up frustration took over the young nurse.

Kerry sat there in awe at her friend's words. Suddenly she realized how thick she had been, how incredibly blind she had been to those around her.

Passing her arm over Abby's shoulder, she said, "I'm sorry Abby, I'm so sorry..."

Abby composed herself enough to ask one last question.

"Are you going to give it to her?"

"Yes, I will Abby, I will."

Finally they both got up and headed to the car.

(End of Part VI)


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only. No commercial gain has or will be obtained. Thank you for reading and your reviews are most welcome.

This was my first EVER attempt at fan fiction and at fiction in the English language. In addition it was written many, many years ago so please, take that into consideration when reviewing. In other words, yes I am fully aware of how bad the writing is...hahahah!! :D

* * *

**Kneeling**

**Part VII**

The ER was unusually quiet when Abby and Kerry arrived. It was already 7 o'clock in the evening and everything seemed to be in apparent order. Abby, who was walking ahead of Kerry, made a beeline straight to the desk and took her coat off leaving it by a chair. Randi had already left for the day and Frank was on the phone passionately talking to someone about some supplies that were needed.

Luka emerged from some door and headed directly towards Kerry. When Kerry noticed his presence, she just looked upward and softly asked, "Kim?"

Reading Kerry's silent plea in her green eyes, he just whispered, "In four..."

Kerry thanked him muttering the word in her lips without making any sound. He just nodded silently. Abby looked up from some papers and stared at Kerry. Kerry looked up at Abby and nodded as she started to walk down the hall.

Luka walked towards Abby and asked, "How did you find her?"

Abby looked up at him and wearily, she just smiled."I'll tell you later when we get home." She sighed heavily, relieved of the weight of the day's events as her eyes returned to Kerry, following her small, limping figure down the hall.

Kerry opened the door quietly and saw Kim resting in a gurney with an IV in her arm and an oxygen mask over her face. Quickly, her trained eyes turned to the monitors and rapidly checked the displays, relieved to discover that her lover was stable.

She walked slowly to one side of Kim's bed and gently, leaned over to kiss her lover's cool forehead. At the touch, Kim opened her eyes and upon seeing Kerry, her sight became clouded with tears.

"I didn't think you were coming back..." murmured Kim while her hand desperately reached and grabbed Kerry's.

Kerry's eyes also filled with tears, gasping at the touch.

"I'm sorry baby... how do you feel?"

"I'm fine... where were you? I came looking for you and couldn't find you and thought that you... -her tears choked her words" that you had left me..."

Kim could say no more and started to sob desperately. Her beautiful face started to contract with an out most pain that Kerry felt in each of her cells as it had been she the one laying in the bed crying. The only thing that Kerry managed to do was to hold Kim in her strong arms and rocked her, whispering soft words of comfort.

"I will never, ever leave you. Never. I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry..."

They lay like that for what seemed to Kerry a long time. She did not care her leg was aching due to the awkward position she had to maintain to hold Kim in her arms. She did not care about people outside or intruders walking in and finding them. The world was effectively obliterated.

When she finally sensed that Kim's crying had quieted a bit, she positioned her lover again by the bed and reached into her coat pocket with her right hand. Once she tightly had a grip around the small leather box, she just smiled at Kim who was still shedding her last tears.

Gently, Kerry detached her arm from her crutch and placed the trusted artifact against the wall. Immediately, she searched for the bottom to lower the bed.

"What are you doing Kerry?" asked Kim with a puzzled look in her face.

"Wait just one second baby..." whispered Kerry.

Once she felt the height of the bed to be appropriate, Kerry leaned yet once more and kissed Kim firmly but gently on the lips. She separated herself and smiled at Kim. She then lowered herself until the knee of her left leg, gently touched the linoleum floor.

Kim, who had not separated her eyes from Kerry's, opened her mouth to say something but her amazement effectively suppressed any words.

Supporting herself with the aid of the chair, Kerry brought the small box in her hands and opened it in front of Kim.

Abby had been called to check on a patient but decided to pick some linens from the linen room by the end of the hall before returning to her duties. The room was empty and dark but light came through from the room next door. Looking up through the open blinders, she got a glimpse of her friend kneeling, as Kerry opened the box in front of Kim. Her eyes filled with tears immediately and she just simply could not do anything else but to watch the amazing spectacle before her eyes.

Kerry's hands and lips trembled, reflecting the intense emotions of the older woman.

Whispering tenderly, she asked, "Kim... would you marry me? Would you be my... wife?"

Kerry asked as huge tears flooded her flushed cheeks and her lower lip trembled in expectation.

Kim's eyes swelled up again at the sight of her lover kneeling in front of her like those dashing knights of children stories, but her heart stopped when she heard Kerry asked her if she wanted to be her wife.

She could not utter any words unable as she was, to take everything in. Instead, she started nodding uncontrollably while her lungs made a conscious effort to inhale air.

A soft, broken gasp was all Kerry heard before Kim started to cry again. Kim's hand grabbed Kerry's right shoulder and pulled her in an embrace that almost made Kerry fell down to the floor.

Between sobs and moans, Kim managed to say, "Yes Ker, I would love to be your wife... if you'd have me..."

Kerry stood up and shut her eyes as her face plunged into Kim's chest.

"Thank you... thank you..."

Luka entered the linen closet looking for Abby and looked up at the scene before him. Without taking her eyes away from her friends, Abby reached her hand and took hold of Luka's. He approached her from behind and embraced her waist.

Abby whispered, "Kerry just asked Kim to marry her..."

Luka tightened his grip on Abby and buried his chin in the young nurse's hair. Abby went on.

"I don't think I have ever seen anything so touching..."

"Neither have I..." whispered Luka as he mumbled some words in his native language.

"What did you say?" Abby asked as she fondled his lover's arm around her waist.

"May God Bless Them," Luka answered quietly.

Abby could not control herself and another tear escaped her eyes as she heard the words uttered by her lover.

Looking up again, seeing Kerry and Kim still engaged in the most tender of embraces, she whispered, "Amen."

(The End)


End file.
